Its different, but not that much different. Try making the added sound louder, and more defined. I like the idea of there being faint TS music in the backround though.
Interestingly enough I myself had a go at somthing similar a while ago (back on the 25th of october to be exact). Ill post up my version. Notice the echo effects and louder added storm noise, which co-incides with the strikes from the Ion storm. This is not to say that yours isnt good. I'm just showing you my version, so you can see what I think It should be more like (though, mine could use some toutch-ups. It sounds "fuzzy" in places for some reason...).

Fluent in |3375p3k, 68 65 78 65 64 65 63 69 6d 61 6c, ebg13, -- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. . --..-- and 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 0111100100101110
(Whoever translates that gets nothing, just +1 on thier geek score)